I was having lunch at with a friend and the topic of Christmas naturally came up. I was very interested to learn that my knowledge of elves was sadly incomplete.
I knew that the elves worked tirelessly all year round in the production of toys for Santa's big night, but there is a lot more to being an elf than working in the toy department. Oh sure, there are the reindeer who need to be exercised and fed, sleigh maintenance, inventory control, but there is a little known "clause" in their job description known only to a very few people outside of the North Pole.
Santa has an elite squad of elves known as the CIA (Christmas Intelligence Agents) Special Forces Unit. These elves are dispatched to children who are in danger of slipping from the "nice" to the "naughty" list. Midyear, these elves, under cover of darkness, enter the home and keep copious notes of the offender. Each is supplied with an i-phone which provides indisputable evidence that is instantly transmitted to the North Pole tracking on the naughty/nice data base. CIA's report directly to the "man in red" who has the option to contact parents for an attitude intervention. This is the call no parent wants to receive, nor any child made to atone for.
Fortunately, there is hope. The reports are delivered early enough for redemption.
Next time you sing "he sees you when your sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake ..." He means it!
Elf control, over and out.
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